Ben & Amy Get Hitched
August 30, 2004
Congratulations kids, from Team Banana.
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Republican Rock
August 26, 2004
Having grown up in the church and having once been really involved in youth ministry, I got pretty well acquainted with the work of christian musicians, particularly those whose music we would sing at LifeTeen mass from time to time. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since I was a republican at the time I was listening to that music, but it was nonetheless disheartening to hear that the GOP is bringing in some pretty vocal anti-gay performers for the “entertainment” of their delegates.
What else can you say about Donnie McClurkin? This is the guy who, referring to gays in a piece at the 700 Club web site, said “I’m not in the mood to play with those who are trying to kill our children.” Yet he is in the mood for attempting to start his own ex-gay ministry. Later in the article he says that “if the churches can get together and unite, then Christians can have a major voice against the homosexual agenda.”
McClurkin’s biggest problem is that he’s misidentified his confusion about his own sexuality with actual homosexuality. Being gay isn’t about being abused as a child or having sex with men. Being gay is a part of who a person is, an unchangeable characteristic as un-choosable as being straight. It’s sad that McClurkin’s own bad experiences as a child now make him think that he is capable of, even called to, “convert” gays and lesbians to heterosexuality.
I really don’t know how to argue with someone like Donnie McClurkin, because his beliefs are based on fear, a distrust and hatred of homosexuality that stems from his abuse as a child. But Keith Boykin gets it right. He says “Donnie McClurkin, of all people, should know better. He suffered for nearly 20 years because society told him there was something wrong with him for his homosexual desires. And he believed it. Now, rather than teaching young people to love themselves for who they are, McClurkin teaches them that they are sinful and evil if they are gay.” Read his article on McClurkin for a level-headed look into this anti-gay crusader that’s been singled out as an exemplar by the republican party.
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Heterosexual Marriage
August 19, 2004
As you all know, I am opposed to straight marriage. Civil unions are ok, but I think straight people getting married undermines the integrity of traditional gay marriage.
That said, I’ve got to congratulate my good friends Ben and Amy, who will no longer be living in sin come next Saturday. It couldn’t happen to two nicer kids, so I am putting aside my moral outrage and wishing them the best. I probably won’t post much for the next week or so since I’m headed up north for the big wedding. Huzzah!
A Letter to Bob Costas and Katie Couric
August 14, 2004
Shut up. No, seriously, shut up. If the Olympics Opening Ceremony had been a movie, and we’d been in a theater, the entire audience would have beaten you to death.
Katie, instead of giving us a crash course on ancient Greek civilization, I’d prefer it if you would shut up. Bob Costas, you might be interested to learn that some Americans know what a Cycladic Head is. Some of us have actually studied art. As such, you could really just shut up instead of giving us a history lesson.
The opening ceremonies were pretty spectacular, huh? I wonder what it was like to be there and witness them in person. I almost got the feeling of being there; or I should say, I would have, if you had just shut up and let me take it all in. Unfortunately for us, you regard silence not as a time to process the art you are witnessing, but as an empty void which you feel compelled to fill with the sound of your voices.
Katie, when the athletes representing a country you’ve never heard of enter the stadium wearing particularly interesting or colorful garments, they are not costumes. They are likely the traditional dress of their culture. So instead of talking about them like they’re in a high school production of The King and I, just shut up.
Katie and Bob, equally: if you do not know how to pronounce an athlete’s name, shut up.
I heard that when the American delegation entered, the CBC broadcasters spent most of their time discussing the doping controversy involving some of our country’s athletes. That seemed bad until you, Bob, spent the entire duration of Canada’s time on screen discussing not Canada, or Canadian athletes, but a Greek doping controversy. Instead of blathering on about something completely unrelated to what was happening on-screen, it would have been more helpful if you had shut up.
Bob Costas, if the only thing that you can think of when you hear the word “Somalia” is “Black Hawk Down,” please, please, shut up.
I was wondering if one of you could tell me what Björk’s song, Oceania, was like. But then I remembered why you don’t know any more about it than I do: because the whole time Björk was singing, you would not shut up about her dress so I could hear the song.
Here’s something that, as celebrities, you might not have had to learn yet. America is a country of immigrants, many of whom speak multiple languages. You might then shut up in the future when someone is giving a speech simultaneously in Greek, French, and English, instead of reading us your English copy of the speech just seconds before the speaker says it in English himself. Bonus points if you shut up instead of expressing your “great relief” when they stop speaking in a language that you do not understand.
Katie and Bob, your inane banter made me want to claw my eyes out. That was not my expected reaction to watching what was, aside from the two of you, a really fantastic opening ceremony. Tonight you proved that neither of you are terribly bright, but if you can remember something for the next four years, I’d appreciate it. It would save us all a lot of heartache in Torino and Beijing. Shut up.
Sincerely,
The Citizens of the United States of America
P.S. Shut up.
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