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I am Matt Thomas.

An enigma, wrapped in a paradox, inside a jelly donut.

Hot Fun in the Summertime

June 24, 2006

I’ve arrived in Chattanooga, my home for the next two days. The trip was mercifully short; it only seemed long when I was driving—very slowly—through some torrential downpours in Montgomery. Driving into the city I found a pretty decent college radio station that provided a great soundtrack—Parliament, Sly and the Family Stone, Beck, and Aphex Twin were the artists I actually recognized.

All I’ve seen of Chattanooga so far is fog. Fog, and the Marriott. This is a nice hotel, but it’s impossible to find real food here after 11pm. I, being the sucker I am, held off on eating fast food on the way up confident that I’d be able to get something at the hotel. I thought I’d made it when I saw that room service delivers until 11, at which point the gentle hotel operator explained to me that I had traveled into the Eastern time zone.

There are a lot of children at this hotel. All of them are staying in the room adjoining mine.

One thing they’ve got going for them is the free WiFi. I hate it when hotels charge for internet access, so that this one has it—wirelessly—and it’s fast, gives this place good bonus points.

I also like that the regular rate for this room is $120 a night, and I’m paying half that because I got it on Priceline. I love you, Shatner.

Next I’m going to see if there’s anyone with their PSP playing Liberty City Stories logged onto the hotel’s WiFi. I’m sure there’s not, but it’d be pretty cool if there were. If not, I’ll see if OnCommand has any decent porn. Again, I’m sure there’s not.

I heard once that the average time watched for a hotel porn movie is something like 10 minutes. The writing’s just not what it used to be.

This bed may be the most comfortable bed I’ve ever lied on. Scratch the above… I’m going straight to sleep.

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Internationally Recognized

June 22, 2006

Every now and then, something just warms your heart. Recently, my new favorite person, Simon, let me know that Ant Farm had been mentioned in ComputerSweden. He was kind enough to send me an image of the article, along with the translation:

Heading: Waiter, there is a fly in my computer

Little did Matt Thomas suspect when he bought a Cinema display containing a bug. A fly. Alive.

The fly was hidden inside the monitor and easily evaded all attacks from the fly swatter. To quote the eminent philosopher Gösta Ekman (a Swedish actor), “How the fuck is it possible.”

It will probably starve to death or the electromagnetic field will cause changes in the chromosomes and… well, who knows. World domination maybe.

At the address www.iammattthomas.com/journal/ant-farm you will find a video of the fly marching on the scrollbars.

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Choo Choo

June 17, 2006

Just a quick request—any of my loyal fans out there know much about the fine, fine city of Chattanooga? I’ll be visiting in about two weeks and am trying to plan the trip. I’m interested in the everyday stuff, neighborhoods, cool streets, shops, bars, etc. Excluding toursity stuff—if this goes well, I’ll have plenty of time to see Rock City in the future.

Drop me a line.

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