Losing Frances
March 29, 2007
Frances Miklic Martin, my maternal grandmother, succumbed to pneumonia last night, in the same bed my grandfather Joe died almost exactly one month ago. My family moved my grandparents into a nursing home last year because they could no longer take care of themselves, the chief reason being that my grandmother had entered the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease.
My paternal grandmother, Audrey, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 1996, and suffered greatly from the disease until she died in 2003. When she died, she hadn’t spoken or responded to anyone in several years. In that sense, the end of Frances’ life was a bit of a blessing. She was spared the toll that Alzheimer’s would have eventualy ravaged on her brain, and we were spared the years of sad waiting that follow a loved one’s descent into the disease.
The last time I saw Frances, on Tuesday, my eyes welled up when I said “hello” to her, and though she was too weak to speak, I saw her mouth “Matt.” She did the same for John, my mom, even Father Jim, their parish priest for most of the last 15 years. A few times, we’d mention stories from our childhood and she’d smile as though she remembered. One time yesterday, when a nurse was a little rough with her, she moaned. The nurse asked her if that had hurt. And Frances responded with a barb that let us all know that the woman we loved was still there — “What do you think?”
Despite the problems that Alzheimer’s had already created for her, in her final moments, she knew who we were, and she knew we were there. And while it doesn’t make it any easier for those of us who will miss her, it helps to hope she found comfort in that in her final hours.
Matt, I’m so very sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences. Toni
My condolences and prayers are with you and your family, Matt.
My condolences, too.
So sorry to hear about her passing, but it’s obvious that she was well cared for and of course loved. She’s with her husband again.
I love that story about what she said to the nurse :)
My thoughts are with you and your family.
[...] Recently, I have been reminded of my grandpa and other loved one’s absence by my colleagues’ losses. Mark Jaquith’s sister Mary passed away much, much to early and Matt Thomas’ grandmother, still with spark, passing away. [...]
Sincerest condolences to you, my friend.
I lost my granny to the big C a little over a decade ago after years of pain and suffering. Like your grandmother, she too seemed more cognizant of family in her final hours. She told me how much she loved me, as did I to her. It was the first time in months that I had even heard her speak. I know how touching a moment like that can be, and I carry it with me to this day.
May Frances rest in peace.
I’m sorry for your loss, Matt. My thoughts are with you.