I am Matt Thomas.

My First Hate Mail

November 13, 2005

This has been a long time coming. Thanks, Scott!

From: SCOTT
Subject: OLD TIME POTTERY

MATT….DUDE, WHATS UP WITH THE SLAM ON OLD TIME POTTERY?

POTTERY BARN IS A CUTE MALL SHOP, PERFECTLY SUITED FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO CLUE THEY ARE PAYING PRICES FOR MERCHANDIES THAT ARE FAR ABOVE THE ACTUAL VALUE OF THE STUFF THEY ARE BUYING. AT OLD TIME POTTERY, YOU GET GREAT STUFF AT MUCH MORE REASONABLE PRICES, FAR MORE REASONABLE THAN POTTERY BARN. SO, WHEN YOU SHOP AT OLD TIME POTTERY,YOU DONT WALK OUT THE DOOR WITH THAT "I JUST GOT SCREWED" FEELING LIKE YOU DO AT POTTERY BARN. THATS WHY OLD TIME POTTERY HAS ALOT MORE CUSTOMERS THAN POTTERY BARN, MAKES MORE MONEY THAN POTTERY BARN, AND HAS A BETTER REPUTATION THAN POTTERY BARN.

DON’T BE SLAMMIN THE BIG DOGS DUDE.

From: Matt Thomas
Subject: Re: OLD TIME POTTERY

wow. that’s funny.

since you typed in all caps, i’ll type in all lowercase, and maybe we’ll balance each other out.

scott, you’ll be happy to know that i only worked for pottery barn for a month and a half before i got a real job. and i quit. and i certainly haven’t shopped there since. i worked there, you don’t have to tell me that the store is overpriced.

i stand by my word, however, that old time pottery is full of cement yard angels and other useless potpourri-scented shit. but more power to you for loving it so much.

love,
mt

From: SCOTT
Subject: Re: OLD TIME POTTERY

OK…..BUT…..

THERE ARE NO YARD ANGELS AT OLD TIME POTTERY, AND THEY DONT SELL POTPOURRI ANYMORE…...

SCOTT

From: Matt Thomas
Subject: Re: OLD TIME POTTERY

sorry, scott. i must have been thinking of the cement turtles or virgin marys (or is that virgins mary?) or birdbaths or picnic tables or something. There was a whole outdoor section of cement crap when my mother drug me there as a child.

glad to hear about the new potpourri policy. who ever said old time pottery couldn’t adapt for the 21st century?

love,
matt