I am Matt Thomas.

Passive Aggression

December 2, 2005

When I was a freshmen in college, I lived in the dorms. My roommate was a nice guy and a decent person to live with. He never bought toilet paper, though. Because I was massively passive-aggressive when I was in college (still battling the demons I now so willingly embrace, no doubt) I decided that he wasn’t going to have any more of my toilet paper. So, when I’d buy it, I’d hide it above the acoustic ceiling tiles in the bathroom. It was really creepy though, because I’d see him go in and take a shit, but there wasn’t any toilet paper anywhere visible in the bathroom.

I can really only think of three options.

1. He didn’t wipe his ass after he took a shit.
2. He was smuggling in his own TP and I didn’t notice.

1. He knew that I was hiding the TP; he found it; and he mocked me while he wiped his ass with it.

   I never figured out which it was, but boy, I’d be interested to know.

   And, if he happens to be reading this, sorry, dude.

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