The epitome of what’s wrong with Baltimore.
June 11, 2005
An ice cream truck, music blaring, at a quarter past ten on a Friday night.
No one who has any business buying anything from an ice cream truck has any business being out after 10 pm.
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Pardon me for sounding obtuse, but where do YOU get your crack?
;)
In the Mondawmin metro station, like all the other responsible crack consumers. At least if you’re going to sell crack right in front of my house, don’t blare “Do Your Ears Hang Low†at 150 decibels in the middle of the night.
You must’ve received the clean version of the ‘Welcome to Baltimore’ memo. Just so you know…
After 9:30 all ice cream trucks sell black tar herione and crack cocaine.
You may place your empty 40 oz in any blue postal mailbox.
Don’t even think about using the blinker on your car- we will take your ass to traffic court for that shit! Turns are made on the sly using your middle finger as an indicator for anyone who needs to know what you’re doing.
When you walk around after dark with friends you are expected to carry a 9mm, 45mm, or at the very least a baseball bat so you will be prepared to carjack people.
And if you don’t like our crabs and are crazy enough to admit to it, we will send you out on the Water Taxi and dump you right in the bay, or if you’re really vocal about it, Back River in Dundalk.
Pardon my sick and twisted cynicism. On a lighter note may I suggest a box fan from Target. I bought one last summer when the ice cream truck and the police helicoptor took turns waking me up at 1 am. The box fans are $12 and create enough white noise to knock out an insomniac. Trust me on this one, the ice cream truck isn’t going to go away.
45mm? Holy Mackarel.
I think anybody walking around with a 45mm anti-tank gun would need a car to carry it, so carjacking makes sense…
Jesus Christ.