To My Neighbors:
July 2, 2005
Could you do me a favor and stop murdering each other?
I’m serious, here. I need your help. I understand that murdering is a big part of your “thing,” but it’s getting on my nerves. I confess to being fairly ignorant when it comes to what’s hip and new in street culture, but I do understand one thing: murder is in.
Murder has some bad side-effects, though. For the folks who live near the Shock Trauma Center here in Bodymore, Murderland, every murder means a trip chauffeured by your friendly local emergency medical technician in his ambulance! Unfortunately their sirens are very loud! That means every time you murder late at night, people like me get woken up!
I realize that it will be very difficult to give up your murder, but I’ve composed a list of things that you might use to fill the time in which you’d normally be murdering.
- Organize a neighborhood basketball team
- Learn a foreign language
- Volunteer at your local community center
- Mowing lawns or doing odd jobs for the elderly
- Join your local YMCA!
- Murder (Just kidding!)
- Go horseback riding
- Make a mix tape for a special someone
- With nothing more than cold medicine and some household chemicals, make your own powerful narcotic!
These are just a few of the many fun activities you can do that do not involve any murder! With the right amount of determination and just a little creativity, I think you’ll find, after a while, that you don’t even miss murder. Try it today!
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Y’know, some us are employed as “contract problem solvers” in order to suplement our meager incomes. And, not counting the financial aspect of the position, nor what I need it for (y’know, rent?) some people just gotta die.
Great post!
the problem with the ambulances is these amateur murderers are severly wounding, or simply maiming, their victims. they don’t have proper facilities to practice their craft before they go to the street and start working professionally. that’s why afterschool programs are so important! do you think these people are learning about center-mass on the street? no! does the disadvantaged youth truly know where the arteries are that will cause their victims to bleed out within minutes? do they know which vital organs are most likely to cause the most rapid death? these young hotshots are always trying to go for the head shot, like this is some kind of a game. people! people! aim for the chest!
very nice. think about some flyers, maybe a PSA ..