I am Matt Thomas.

Today Sucks

January 24, 2005

Today sucks—but don’t take my word for it. A researcher at Cardiff University, Cliff Arnalls, says he can scientifically prove that January 24th is the worst day of the year.

I’ve always known this, because my best buddy Camp has a birthday on January 15th, and it’s been consistently bad nearly every year of his life. Each year we look to it with trepidation, both Camp and his friends and family alike. It really sucks to have a birthday around this time of year. Just look at this picture of Camp on his birthday last year¹.

At the BBC article covering Arnalls’ revelation, they printed suggestions and comments from BBC readers regarding the lousy mood that January—particularly this part—ushers in. There were no shortage of suggestions for how to pass the time, though, from the good: “Exercise and kisses really are a great boost!” suggests an Amsterdam man; to the idiotic: “You yellow-toothed limeys really know how to whinge. Come on over to Florida—January is great,” the suggestion of the ultimate red-state southerner, a fellow form Pensacola. For what it’s worth, I live about thirty minutes from Pensacola, and it sucks here too.

It sucks here too because January doesn’t just suck because it’s cold. It’s hot here in the Pensacola area and it still sucks. It especially sucks because we know straight 90º marks all summer long are coming, and we’d like to enjoy the cold air while it lasts. We’ll be paying hundreds of dollars a month to have it pumped in in a few months.

But whether it’s bone-chillingly cold or unseasonably hot, January really sucks because of the energy drop after the holidays. We spend months in anticipation of a few days in late December. Our houses are tremendously decorated, we go on shopping sprees for our loved ones and ourselves, and we end it in an orgy of food and presents and parties.

Then January rolls around, your friends and family go back to their homes, we all go back to work, and we realize that the paycheck we’re due for on the 25th is mostly going to go toward covering our debts. So we’re broke, mostly failing on our new year’s resolutions, bored again at work or school, bitching about the weather, and too tired from getting back into our routines to do anything to make us feel better. Not to mention the crappy food we’re eating, particularly compared to the bounties we had laid out for us exactly a month ago. And if your holidays weren’t great—well, especially then—January is even more depressing, as you mull over your unmet expectations.

And last, but not least, for 55 million Americans, we just had to sit through the coronation of our errant prince George. Oh, and there’s that place… you know, that place we heard a lot about last year… that we’re going to hear progressively less about this year as it descends into a giant shit storm…

So, January sucks. But as one keen lady from Bedfordshire, UK, put it: “At least we are alive to see another day and sort things out.” Here’s to that.

¹ Ok, that wasn’t really taken on his birthday, but I’ve been wanting to use that picture for a while.